Cards Against Pokespe
by shaunathan
Summary: The Kanto and Johto Dexholders sit down for a game of Cards Against Humanity.


Yellow added another long stroke to the drawing in her sketchbook, finishing the face of a Pikachu. She inspected it herself for a moment, holding her pencil between her teeth and tilting it at multiple angles with both hands, before setting her pencil down and holding the book up to her own Pikachu, Chuchu. "What do you think? Proportional?"

Chuchu, who had been zoned out for quite a while at this point, the drawing process having lost her attention quickly, snapped to focus and gave the sketch a long look, touching her own face like she was trying to figure out how it might look if drawn. After a moment, she gave a noncommittal shrug, like, 'close enough.'

Yellow grinned, lowering the sketchbook back to the table. "Yeah, I thought so. Now for the shading..."

But before she could pick up her pencil again, Red leaned through the doorway and said, "Hey, Yellow, we're gonna play some cards. Do you want in?"

Yellow turned around in her chair to face him. "Probably. What are you guys playing?"

Red smirked. "Gold brought Cards Against Humanity. Have you...?" His expression morphed to something in between worry and confusion. "Uh, have you ever heard of Cards Against Humanity?"

Yellow had to resist laughing. She'd not just 'heard' of Cards Against Humanity–she was the MASTER of Cards Against Humanity. She could understand why Red would think she was unfamiliar with the game, though. After all, everyone else had always thought that she was the innocent one out of the Dexholders, and she'd never given any evidence to the contrary. She'd never had to let anyone know that she knew just about every curse word, slang term, and dirty concept in existence, so she'd simply never mentioned it.

She was about to tell Red about her familiarity with the game, but then a brilliant idea occurred to her. Nobody knew that she had probably the most extensive knowledge of dirty concepts in the room at any given moment. She could have some fun with this if she played her cards right (pun entirely intended).

Yellow smiled innocently. "No, I haven't heard of it. What's it about?"

Red grimaced, as though he'd expected that answer and didn't have a particularly good way to explain the game. "Ah. Well... have you heard of Apples to Apples?"

"Yes."

"Well, Cards Against Humanity is like that but... uh..." He shrugged. "Worse."

"Worse?"

"As in... more..." Red grimaced again, giving up. "I don't know how to put it. If you don't want to play it because of that though, then nobody would hold it against you."

Yellow shook her head, grinning internally. "No, no, I'll play. If it's like Apples to Apples, I'll at least understand the rules."

Red now looked almost sick. Yellow suspected he was now regretting his decision to invite her to play, worried that the game would pollute her 'sweet, innocent' mind. "Ah, okay. Come on in."

Yellow got to her feet and handed her pencil to Chuchu ("Here, change anything you think is off with the sketch."), and then followed Red into the other room, where the others were all seated on the floor around the deck of cards.

By incredibly unlikely chance, all the Kanto and Johto Dexholders had been in the Viridian area the same time for various reasons, and had run into each other in very quick succession. Yellow, whose home was the closest, had invited them all over to stay for a while, and so now they were all there.

Blue glanced up as they entered the room, raising her eyebrows when she saw Yellow. "Oh, are you playing too, Yellow?"

"I think so," Yellow tried to keep her voice as innocent as possible.

Blue shot Red a fleeting glance of worried confusion, obviously wondering whether this was a good idea. Yellow bit down hard on her tongue to keep herself from giggling at the sheepish little shrug Red gave in response.

Blue quickly forced a smile and said, "Well, that's great. That makes all of us, then."

"Yeah, yeah, can we just get going already?" Gold asked impatiently, seizing the cards and shuffling them.

Crystal rolled her eyes. "Can you at least wait until they sit down?"

Gold sighed. "I've been waiting for three minutes already. I just want to play the dang game."

"Just deal then, we're ready," Red said, sitting down in the circle and patting the ground next to him, where Yellow sat cross-legged, still barely containing her amusement at how well her deception was going.

Once all the cards were dealt, Yellow looked over her hand, trying to keep her expression neutral at first, then slowly, deliberately shifting it to shock, as she figured someone truly innocent might do if they were seeing the kinds of things printed on the cards for the first time.

Red gave her a concerned glance. "Are you good?" he whispered.

Yellow hesitated convincingly, scanning the cards again and internally smirking at how good of a hand she'd gotten, then whispered back, "Y-yeah, I think so."

"All right." Gold rubbed his hands together and picked up his cards. "So first judge is to the left of the dealer, right?" He pointed at Silver, who sat to his left. "That's you, then."

Silver smiled drily. "Is that the rules, or are you just worried I'd get an early lead?"

"Just give us the question card!"

Silver slowly reached over to the pile of cards and flipped it to show the prompt. Green leaned forward to inspect it. "Huh. That's an interesting one."

Crystal shuddered. "There are so many ways to fill in that blank and none of them are good."

Yellow fought to keep her face confused, and glanced back and forth at the prompt card and her hand several times to sell her feigned incomprehension. Finally, after everyone else had already given Silver their answer cards, she gritted her teeth and pulled from her hand, as if at random, the card that she'd known since she first saw the prompt would be the clear winner.

Silver swirled the cards around on the floor like he was setting them up to be the pool in a game of Go Fish, then, once nobody was sure whose card was which, laid them out in a row.

"Huh," he grunted, looking them over. He swept one off to the side. "Well this one's terrible."

Crystal frowned. "Seriously? I thought that was funny."

Silver shrugged. "Maybe to you. Let's see..." He looked over the cards some more, his face betraying nothing. Finally, he pushed Yellow's forward. "This one."

Yellow feigned surprise. "Really? Mine?"

The dumbfounded look Gold gave her, as well as the varying degrees of surprise the others betrayed, nearly made her break her act. She had to once more bite her tongue until it hurt to prevent herself from smiling.

"That was YOU, Straw-Hat Gal?" he blurted. "What the... How'd you know that was a good card?!"

Yellow gave an innocent, bemused shrug as she took the prompt card. "I... don't know... I guess I just trusted in the heart of the cards...?"

Gold narrowed his eyes in frustration–he'd clearly thought his card would win–and held his hand closer to his face, muttering, "Beginner's luck..."

The concept of beginner's luck began to wear thin in his mind, however, after Yellow won three more rounds, not earning a card only on the one she judged, which she ended up giving to Blue by random selection, and one that she purposefully lost in order to ward off suspicion.

"This is nuts!" Gold said when it was finally his turn to judge. "Nobody can possibly get lucky that many times! She knows what she's doing–she HAS to!"

"I don't know," Red said after a moment's hesitation. "I don't think she is."

"Yeah, she lost one," Crystal pointed out. "If she was as good as you think she is, she would have won that."

"And nobody who was actually any good at this game would have given her–" Green jerked a thumb at Blue. "The one she won."

"Yeah!" Blue agreed, then paused, registering what he'd said. She punched Green's shoulder. "Hey!"

Silver smirked. "I think you're just a sore loser."

Gold glared at him. "Whatever. I'm the judge now, and I'm going to pick a card that's actually chosen on skill." He flipped the top prompt card, and quickly gained a smug grin as he read its contents.

Yellow glanced at the card. It was certainly one of the more racy ones. It would definitely be beyond the comprehension of anyone with a truly clean mind.

Of course, she thought as she handed Gold her 'randomly selected' card, laughing internally at her answer, she definitely did not have a clean mind.

Gold, still arrogant, shuffled the answer cards, and then looked through them one by one. "No..." He dropped one to the floor. "No..." Another fell. "Maybe... No... Maybe... No."

He looked at the final two he'd chosen with narrowed eyes. "Hmm... this is a tough one. They're both really SKILLFULLY chosen," he said with a pronounced glance at Yellow, as if to say, 'So yours can't possibly be in here.'

Yellow, who knew full well her card was one of the final two, bit her tongue so hard she thought it might bleed and forced her face to stay neutral.

After a good ten seconds of deliberation, Gold finally dropped one card facedown and put the other in the center of the circle. "This one."

Yellow raised her eyebrows, acting pleasantly surprised. "Oh, that's mine."

And that was the straw that broke the Camerupt's back.

"WHAT?!" Gold exclaimed, his eyes bulging. "No! It can't possibly be–How did you–You can't possibly be THAT–SCREW THIS, I'M OUT!"

And with that, he suddenly stood up and stormed out of the room.

Crystal got a pained look on her face, and, after a moment's hesitation, pointed after him, said, "I–I'd better..." and followed him out.

The remaining five sat there in the wake of Gold's rage quit, utterly unsure of what to do.

Eventually Blue said, "Should... should we keep going?"

Silver shook his head. "No, there's no point."

Green sighed and began gathering the cards. "I'll clean up."

As Red stood and helped Yellow to her feet, he gave her a questioning look and asked, "Were you really just lucky or do you actually...?"

Yellow grinned and put a finger to her lips, and then turned and left the room, while he followed behind her, saying, "Wait, but do you? I've got to know! Do you? Yellow!"


End file.
